i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
