My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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