Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
