John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
