he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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