Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
