so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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