Tell her she can't have a vagina
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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