lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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