i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
