there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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