There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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