Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
