the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I sprained my soul last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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