Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
