What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
