She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
