Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
