so explain again why im purple
no
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
