We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
