Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
