if i can run in heels then i can drive
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
