I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
