after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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