found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
