hell yes lets make some ravioli
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
