So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
