I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
