she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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