my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
