I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
