so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
