Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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