8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
