I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
