I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
