so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
