im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
