do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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