Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
barbara walters just said penis...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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