I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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