first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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