I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
