I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
