i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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