I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
