You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
