i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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