i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
