We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
