I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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