When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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