she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
