Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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