cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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