Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
