Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
