i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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