How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
